Submitted By Erin Rockafellow
Back in October the kids and I were sorting pumpkin seeds for roasting that we had brought home from a group carving. The kids and I were having fun being together with slimy hands and all. As we sorted the seeds some of them had started to sprout already.
The big discussion began between my 10 year old daughter and my 8 year old son about what to do with those seeds:
“We should save them and plant them!” says my daughter.
“No just throw them away,” says my son.
“But if we plant the seeds they will grow into new pumpkin plants.”
“Yes, but they aren’t pumpkins yet- so we should just throw them away.”
“We shouldn’t throw them away; it isn’t their fault that they sprouted when they didn’t need to.”
“It’s almost winter. What are we going to do with pumpkin plants? We can’t grow them in the house; we need to throw them away.”
As this conversation went on, my husband and I kept looking at each other. First with amusement about the parallels between this topic and the abortion debate. As the debate wore on, we really started to wonder if we should go ahead and have the big conversation with our kids since they really seemed to have very strong opposing opinions. The kids continued their lines of thought, trying to convince the other that they were right. It was like watching a tennis match.
In my head I was trying so hard to decide what to do: would I be a bad mom if we didn’t have that big talk? Is it really in our best interest to have that discussion with a 10 year old and 8 year old? My husband and I just looked at each other with a slight amount of panic and silently came to a decision to not have that discussion.
We congratulated the kids on having a well debated topic and we told them how proud we were that they never started fighting, but continued to use kind language with each other. Honestly, the kids did a great job of articulating why they thought their opinion was the right one. We helped the kids agree to disagree and explained that sometimes the best thing you can do is hold your opinion and let someone else have theirs too.
It ate at me. For weeks I second guessed my decision to take the easy way out. I knew that when we made the decision it was more about us feeling uneasy and unprepared than it was about anything else. Over breakfast one morning I told a friend about my story. She listened to everything including my own self doubt. Instead of telling me that I chickened out, she reminded me that sometimes situations have more than one teachable moment; my husband and I picked the one that was right for us. The other moment that we had skipped over would be waiting in the back of our minds for when the time was right for that big discussion. We had not lost our moment we just cataloged it away for later; and for us, that was the best we could do in that moment.
What are your tips for approaching challenging teachable moments? Share below!
Explore this idea through children’s literature: What is most important at any given time? “Being present” in The Three QuestionsBy Jon Muth